Hey, there’s a new website called dynamicfamilycoachingsolutions.com.  It seems really cool because they did an audio interview with meeeee!  Check it out today!

We were at my mom’s the other night and bathing the kids.  Tashi was in the tub and I was in the shower with Sebastian when Victoria came into the bathroom and said, “There are no more diapers in the diaper bag.”  I didn’t say anything.  

“Nice job,” she said.

“What do you mean, nice job?” I said.

“You’re in charge of the diaper bag.”

I said, “What dad is ever in charge of the diaper bag?” And then I realized she’s right.  I am in charge of the diaper bag.  I’m the one who makes sure we never leave the house without 2 clean onsies; 1 bottle filled with 6 ounces of fresh water; formula, just in case; 1 blanket; 1 pacifier; 1 chew toy; packet of wipies; 1 burp cloth; and at least 4 diapers.

I fucked up.

“What do we do now?” Victoria said.  

I got out of the shower and looked through the diaper bag myself.  I didn’t find the diaper she was looking for, but I got the burp cloth, which is crafted in three panels, the middle one the thickest, just like a cloth diaper.  I got two safety pins and brought the baby and the cloth diaper to my mom and she diapered him up just like she diapered me 40 years ago. She said we probably needed a water proof cover so I got a plastic grocery bag.  I ripped two holes for his legs and tied it on with two knots on the sides.  The diaper was soaked and stinky when we got home, but we made it without a leak.

    

Yesterday morning Tashi was thumbing through The New Yorker.  She wasn’t on the pot, although she does sometimes thumb through magazines when she’s going to the bathroom.  But this time she was lying on the bed next to Victoria, who was nursing Sebastian.  I was getting dressed and pretending not to listen.  

Tashi came to an advertisement for Ireland with pictures of all the fun things to see and do.  Right there with the Royal Portrush Golf Links and the Carrickfergus Castle was a picture of St. Patrick.  He was wearing a dress and a cape and a cardinal’s hat, which sort of looked like a dunce hat, and a big, giant cross.  He was carrying a staff in one hand and a serpent in the other and he had a long white beard.  Tashi pointed to him and said, “This is God.”  

Victoria said, “No, I think God’s a woman.”

 About an hour later, Tashi was sitting on the pot and I was brushing my teeth and pretending not to notice her.  She pulled about two trees worth of toilet paper off the roll and held a big, fluffy wad in her hands.  She said, “Mommy, this is what God looks like when SHE’s going to the bathroom.” 

Sebastian was wide awake for two hours the night he turned 12 weeks.  Lali sat rocking him until midnight.  He slept for 5 hours, which is good, but no world’s record.  I can continue to complain.  I will continue to complain, but not about Lali.    

 Sebastian slept for 7 hours!!!  On his 12 week birthday he slept.  And so did I.   

Sebastian smells like rotten potatoes because of Earth’s Best soy formula.  Dairy formula and breast milk and he smells like yummy baby.  

I’m sorry Bash, I thought you were smelly because you’re a boy.  So sexist of me!

I don’t know how it’s possible to do anything with a newborn, but here goes.  Lip Service is coming up on Saturday and I’m reading a story I wrote recently.  Took me a hundred years to write because my brain is weak from lack of sleep, or maybe this is my new brain.  I hope not.  That’s the thing about temporary conditions.  When you’re in the midst of a temporary condition, you don’t know if it’s temporary.   

Come to Lip Service Saturday night if you live in South Florida.  It’s gonna be a great show.  Eight true stories eight minutes each.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click this here Lip Service link.  

Here’s the invite.    

Okay, forget the invite.  I just spent another hundred years trying to upload it and it didn’t work.  So, I’m going to bed.  Click on the link above to find out about Lip Service.  I swear, it’s worth it. 

When you’re the dad, no one takes YOUR picture.  I took care of that.  

   

No one is installing the car seat.

No one is taking the dirty diapers to the trash outside. 

No one is sending in the warranty card for the co-sleeper. 

No one is taking the older one to preschool every morning at 8:00 A.M. 

No one is reading the instruction manual to figure out how to attach the car seat to the stroller.  

I’m saying Fatherhood is rough work. 

Freedom.  Daddies have freedom.  The first time I left the house without Tashi, she was probably two months old.  I went for my first postpartum bike ride and she was in my mom’s very capable hands.  Still, I felt like I had lost my wallet at Grand Central Station.  Like my wallet was spilled open and all my money was showing and I had to get back before it got stolen.

With Sebastian I can go on a bike ride.  I miss him, but I’m not in a panic.