Monthly Archives: November 2009

Blog to Nowhere and No One


I just logged onto to the back pages of this thing and saw that I had three pending comments. I pretend I don’t give a shit who reads my blog or if anyone reads it at all, but when I saw those three comments sitting there waiting to be approved, I’ll admit, my heart started pacing. Then I read the first comment: “I stumbled across your blog while searching online for debt relief…” I marked it as spam. I read [...]

Is this Progress?


My mom’s thinking about having a New Year’s Eve party. She asked me if I would come. I made a face that meant, “Maybe, if nothing better comes up.” She said, “Oh, I get it. If one of your lezzie friends has a party, we’re out.” She was right. Now I’m wondering: is this progress, my mom saying lezzie?

Lip Schtick Gets 5 Stars


Here’s my story from Lip Schtick, which deserves more than one star.  It got one star because my very own girlfriend Victoria tried to rate me and messed up obviously and then didn’t know how to change it.  So ignore the star system.  It’s probably wise to ignore the star system on all Youtube videos, since the stars were probably put there by somebody’s girlfriend.  Probably somebody’s girlfriend who knew how to rate the thing with 5 stars. Clearly not [...]

One of these Things…


My friend, Lauren Beiley, invited me to a Jewish Federation symposium called Women with Muscle. I didn’t really want to give up my morning (because I’m writing a book and I need my mornings!) and so I asked her if she really needed me there to fill up space and if so, I said I’d do it. She said she didn’t need me, but that it might be enlightening. Lauren fills space at my events all the time and I [...]

Morality in Politics


I’ve been on a newspaper reading spree for two days now and yesterday I read in the Miami Herald that President Obama wants to come up with some compromise on the abortion ban in the healthcare bill. He said he doesn’t want funding for abortion to sneak into the bill.  Abortion is a LEGAL, MEDICAL procedure in this country.  Why is the government, including our president, trying to control through backhanded legislation, what kinds of procedures people can get?  I [...]

Sucky World Sometimes


My friend, Janet, called me yesterday pissed off because the Democtrats have no backbone. She’s a reporter. She deals with this stuff all the time. She was spitting mad, I could hear it in the way she said hello. For a second I thought she was mad at me. “Did you hear what the House passed on the healthcare reform?” She knows I don’t pay enough attention to the news and this bothers her, but when I said no she [...]

Lip Schtick is Here


The famous Lip Service has teamed up with The Open Tent to bring South Florida…Jewish stories.  True, personal Jewish stories told by real people. What could be more fun?  Check us out Saturday, Nov. 7th at 8 p.m. @ Books & Books on Lincoln Road. Storytellers:  Andrea Askowitz (that’s me), Richard Freedberg, Dale Hershman, Mort Laitner, Chaim LieberPerson, Li-Mor Raviv, and Mitch Weissner. I know it’s not nice to say these are some of Miami’s most loud-mouthed Jews, but they are.  We are!  In [...]

Shiver Me Timbers