WHAT ARE THESE NUMBER ESSAYS ABOUT?


I’m a slow writer. I want to write better. I want to write faster. And like Marianne Williamson says, I have one last chance to get it right. Because there’s no time like the present; because turning 50 is better than the alternative; and because you only live once, I’m going for it. This year, the year I turned 50, I’m going to write 50 essays in 50 weeks. (Gives me two weeks off.) TO READ THEM ALL, FOLLOW ME [...]

No. 45: Has-been


Several months ago, I started training for a marathon. I gave myself 13 weeks to train. I knew I was cutting it close, but I was a runner in high school. Sure, that was more than 30 years ago. Whatever. I thought I’d have no problem. I trained with my friend Aaron, and even though he’s a few years younger than I am, I got a crick in my neck talking to him because he was always a few paces [...]

No. 44: Gaslighting is the New How Are You


I was gaslighted by my neighbor. She hasn’t always been the most pleasant neighbor. In the nine years we’ve lived next-door, she’s called Coral Gables Code Enforcement on us three times. The first time, I put a Huggies box on the garbage pile too early. We had just moved in and I didn’t know trash could only appear on your trash pile after 5 p.m. on Mondays. After paying the $500 fine, I ran over and asked her to please [...]

No. 43: Anyone Want to See My Colon?


At 50, doctors recommend getting a colonoscopy to screen for colorectal cancer. To prepare for mine, I watched Katie Couric have hers on TODAY. She started at her kitchen table, 18 hours before go time, with a big jug of cherry flavored Nulytely (also known as Golytely), the drink guaranteed to flush out the colon. Nulytely tasted terrible, apparently. She sucked on a lime then downed glass after glass at fifteen-minute intervals. I’d heard that drinking that stuff was the [...]

No. 41: Why Did the Republicans Get the Flag and Jesus?


I’m a progressive, lesbian, Jewish, American, Democrat. I don’t like ascribing to stereotypes, but I look the part. I wear jeans and T-shirts. I live in Miami, so most days I wear flip-flops. I have curly, graying hair and black-rimmed glasses. I think most people who know me, or know of me, can guess my political persuasion. Last week, I did an experiment: I wore a flag baseball cap for a day. First thing in the morning, I came out [...]

No. 40: I Want to Love My Country


A few years ago, the power went out in South Miami. My son went to the Bilingual Coop Preschool and I was there volunteering with a few other moms. We opened the doors and let the kids run around the playground. One of the moms, Maria Alejandra, a Venezuelan who had just moved to Miami, called Florida Power and Light, typed in our zip code on her phone keypad, and listened to their outgoing message. She announced to the group [...]

No. 39: How to Let Go of Feelings of Failure and Achieve Success


I got an email newsletter from a writer friend Annwho you’ve probably never heard of because she’s a solo-show performer. She’s one of the best performers I’ve ever seen. She had a show produced Off-Broadway by Ann Bancroft, but then Ann Bancroft died during production and that got in the way of my Ann’s success. Ann’s newsletter was titled, “Letting Go.” That drew me in because I thought someone had died. But no, she meant letting go of her idea of [...]

No. 38: The #PeriodEmoji Is A Bloody Shame


Just revealed and coming to keypads everywhere this March…the period emoji. It’s an adorable red teardrop and if you put the finger emoji in front of it, someone might think you’re going to the doctor to get your finger pricked. If you use it alone, you might be saying you’re excited to change your nail polish. Nothing about the period emoji says “period.” Aren’t emojis used to express emotion? That’s the emo part of the word emoji, no? If this [...]

No. 37: Complaints Department


I like people who complain. Or more accurately, I don’t like people who never complain. There are those moms at my kids’ schools who are always so upbeat. I can’t relate. And then there’s my friend Ellen who is quick to tell me what a dick her husband was last night then go off about the new online homework system. How refreshing. I understand the precept, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I [...]

No. 36: Front Row Center


I took my 15-year-old daughter, Tashi, to see Hamilton. Our seats were in row W, which was W rows back. They weren’t bad seats, but they were all the way on the side, and for $350, I wanted the best. Before the show started, I walked to the front and spotted two seats in row G, right in the middle — the only two open seats in the entire theater, as far as I could see. / Tashi and I had tried for better [...]

No. 34: Jews Love Hamilton


I don’t know where I’ve been for the last four years since Hamilton became a theatrical sensation, but until I saw it two weeks ago, I didn’t know the cast was made up of people of color. I knew it was the story of Alexander Hamilton. I knew there were some rap songs. And I knew it was crazy expensive. I also knew it was supposed to be a great show. My brother’s family had all seen it and my nieces sang [...]