WHAT ARE THESE NUMBER ESSAYS ABOUT?


I’m a slow writer. I want to write better. I want to write faster. And like Marianne Williamson says, I have one last chance to get it right. Because there’s no time like the present; because turning 50 is better than the alternative; and because you only live once, I’m going for it. This year, the year I turned 50, I’m going to write 50 essays in 50 weeks. (Gives me two weeks off.) TO READ THEM ALL, FOLLOW ME [...]

No. 27: My New Year’s Resolution: Watch More TV


In 2019, I resolve to watch more TV. The problem is I prefer to work. I’m preoccupied with getting my stories published and producing a podcast, which is why I hardly ever cozy up in front of the TV and veg out. The TV was always on in my house growing up. My brother was addicted. And because the TV was on, I watched from the day I was born until the day Tony went to college in 1984. I [...]

No. 26: Jewish Christmas


On Monday, after dinner, my wife, Vicky, our son, Sebastian, and I went to the Firefighter’s Christmas tree lot and picked out a tree. Tashi, who’s 14, stayed home to do her hair. Sebastian, who’s nine, dragged the tree inside and Vicky directed him to put it in the corner of our living room, right in front of a giant window facing the street. Sebastian closed the wooden blinds to make more room for the tree. The blinds have never [...]

No. 24: Oversharing on Facebook Can Lead to Good


A few weeks ago, I posted something on Facebook. My mom wrote in the comments, “Would you like it if your mom was as forthcoming as you? Asking for a friend.” I wrote a story about letting a man go inside me without wearing a condom and why, after years of advocating for safer-sex, and even after coming out as a lesbian, I would let that happen. Then I posted the story on Facebook. It’s not the most embarrassing thing [...]

No. 23: The Things She Carries in Her Giant Purse


My wife, Vicky, is an immigrant. When we met eleven years ago, she had already been living in the United States 13 years. I thought she spoke perfect English, but when dessert came she said, “Let’s dive onto this pie.” She told me she’s from Venezuela. I’m from Miami and knew nothing about Venezuela. I said, “South America, right?” She said, “That’s good. I’ve dated Gringas who think it’s near Greece.” (READ FULL ESSAY HERE…)

No. 22: Fifty Yards


My nine-year-old beat me in a running race. We’ve raced before. The last time, when he was about six, I ran just slightly ahead of him, close enough so he felt like he was in the race and also close enough so he could pull on my shirt. But I never let him win. That felt dishonest. Today when he said, “I’ll beat your butt,” I said, “No way.” I was confident even though he’s now almost five feet tall [...]

No. 21: Can You Hear Me Now?


I called South Florida ENT Associates. I said, “I’d like to make an appointment for a hearing test.” The receptionist asked my name, had I gotten a referral and, “What service can we help you with?” I said, “I’d like to make an appointment for a hearing test.” She said, “Oh, right.” I thought: Is this woman not paying attention or does she need a hearing test? (CLICK ANYWHERE TO READ FULL ARTICLE)

No. 20: Funny Story…


My brother has cancer. /A few weeks ago, my mom had my brother’s family and my family over for dinner. Tony had just gotten a lump removed from his neck. There was a possibility it was cancer, but he hadn’t yet gotten the results. When it was time to set the table, Tony said, “I can’t because of the cancer.” / When it was time to clear the table Tony said, “I can’t because of the cancer.” / He got a few chuckles from [...]

No. 19: How Do I Teach My Children?


There are some things I’ve had a hard time explaining to my kids. Not the obvious things, like how babies are made. That was easy. / When my daughter, Tashi, asked me at nine, I said, “I went to a sperm bank and bought sperm. Then I went to a nurse who put the sperm inside my vagina to meet my egg. That’s how you were made.” / At the time I thought I should explain it to Sebastian, who was four. [...]

No. 17: Men Over Women In Sex, In Everything, Always, All the Time


Thirteen years ago, I had sex with an old friend. We went out, as usual, chasing girls. We were each other’s wingmen. We went to a lesbian bar this time. He was a hit. He always found the one straight woman to talk to. / I’d dated boys in high school and men in college. I’d had plenty of sex with men. I liked it. But at 23, I fell in love with a woman and I thought that changed everything. [...]

No. 16: Do I Have a Big Nose?


  I had a girlfriend once who said I had a big nose. I said, “You just think I have a big nose because I’m Jewish.” / The truth was, Patricia’s nose was bigger than mine. She disagreed. To settle the nose issue, we asked my niece Natalie, who was about five at the time, and who I hoped was not yet biased by stereotypes. / (Click anywhere for full story.)