I was born in Miami, Florida, where I grew up. I had a happy childhood and I don’t think I’m blocking anything out. (Watch the ashes!) I have one brother named Tony, who is now called Anthony. We had a dog, Chaucer, who died when I was 10 and another dog, Hannibal, who died on the morning of his Bark Mitzvah. My mom thought it was a cute idea to celebrate his 13th birthday and to call it a Bark [...]
I’ve performed my stories at venues throughout the U.S., mostly in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Miami including Sit ‘n Spin at Comedy Central Stage, Spark at Powerhouse Theater, Word-a-Rama at Highland Grounds, the Fake Gallery, Lip Service West in San Francisco, Porchlight in San Francisco, Lip Service at Miami Book Fair International, and the Miracle Theater in Coral Gables. I’m the creator of Lip Service, the most honest and entertaining literary event anywhere. Lip Service is true stories [...]
My story “Into Me See” is in Salon.com. I took Victoria to a tantric sex retreat. It was a preventative measure. Click here to read.
Last Saturday, Lip Service collaborated with WLRN’s Under the Sun and our show was like a rock concert. Or like the musical Hair. We got a standing ovation! I thought the audience might rush the stage like they do at the end of Hair. It was so much fun. Here’s my story. This story is about what I learned from Victoria, but I also want to say that Victoria has learned a lot from me. Three weeks ago, [...]
Dear Mom, Thank you for parenting me. As I remember, childhood was pretty good. You were attentive and sweet mostly and while I don’t remember making sculptures out of popsicle sticks or homemade Play-Doh, I do remember getting lots of your attention. How did you do it for so many years? I am having trouble right now. To be frank, Tashi is bugging the shit out of me. And Sebastian is a monster. But the real problem is [...]
Look what Victoria did when Sebastian got his leg caught in the crib. She doesn’t even know Karate.
Dear Posterity, I realize I’ve been writing post-it notes about the fun or cool or noteworthy things that have been going on lately and not writing them down anywhere, except on post-it notes. So right now, on the day after Christmas, while my family is at a kid’s birthday party and I am home alone because Victoria took the kids and gave me a pass, I will write them down. 1. Tashi gave away all her Princess possessions. The princess [...]
Here’s my story from Lip Schtick, which deserves more than one star. It got one star because my very own girlfriend Victoria tried to rate me and messed up obviously and then didn’t know how to change it. So ignore the star system. It’s probably wise to ignore the star system on all Youtube videos, since the stars were probably put there by somebody’s girlfriend. Probably somebody’s girlfriend who knew how to rate the thing with 5 stars. Clearly not [...]
That’s clearly a picture of Victoria and me with Sebastian sleeping between us. I’m the one on the left with the feet in my face, except usually the feet are on top of my face. This essay, Good Night and Tough Luck by Christoph Niemann is on the NY Times website today and it’s so good. Christoph tells it like it is: ”After weeks of sweet-talking, serenading, and heartbreaking Ferberizing, we think we have reclaimed our bed. Until a short trip or [...]
Sebastian is seven and a half months old, but has entered a new phase, which is a total regression. He sleeps like a newborn—nursing every three hours. Victoria’s been bringing him to the bed, if he sleeps in his crib at all, and sleeping with a giant, 21 pound baby who thrashes all night, is not cozy like one might imagine. We’re exhausted. I’m starting to think he’s taking advantage of us. I would have scoffed at this idea a [...]