If You Give a Mom a Bowl of Oatmeal: An All-Too-True Parody (in Next Tribe)

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We all know the children’s book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” Here, Andrea Askowitz recasts a harried woman in the lead–someone you’ll surely recognize. FacebookTwitterLinkedInEmailI’m heading out for a dermatology appointment, but first I’ll put my breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, because my wife gets pissed when the oatmeal hardens on the bowl. […]

If I’m Not the Runner I Was, Who Am I? (in Oldster Magazine)

53-year-old Andrea Askowitz races her 12-year-old son, Sebastian.

At 53, Andrea Askowitz reckons with the effects of menopause on her athletic abilities, and struggles to keep up with her 12-year-old son. I’ve been a runner my whole life. Until a year ago, I’d injured myself only once, while sliding, drunk, across a recently mopped floor. I never stretched growing up. Now, I have […]

I Offer You Love, Light, and Blatherskite During this Trying Time (in The Haven)

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Thank you for joining me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Clubhouse, Zoom, Google Meet, Facetime, Reddit, LinkedIn, Snapchat, YouTube, TikTok, my podcast, my vlog, and in the cosmos for Love, Light, and Blatherskite. Clever, right? Did you hear the rhyme? I am not a yoga teacher, but I’ve taken an Intensive, Light, Kundalini, Ashtanga, Ayurveda, Pacifist, […]

THIS IS HOW I HURT MY KIDS BY HELPING THEM (IN MOTHERWELL)

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Since March, since we’ve been locked down with our kids, every other Saturday is cleaning day. Our nanny hasn’t been able to come to work, so I thought I’d use this moment to teach my kids self-reliance. Also, with all of us home all the time, the house is always a disaster and I didn’t […]

“I’M TOTALLY SELFISH NOW THAT I’M A MOM” (IN KVELLER)

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When my daughter’s teacher asked me to explain Hanukkah to her first-grade class, my first reaction was, “Hell, no!”  / I had no interest in donating my time teaching people’s kids. That’s not because I didn’t want to get into a religious debate, or answer questions I didn’t know the answers to, or be labeled […]

“BRAGGING ABOUT BOOKS” (IN THE WRITER)

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Someone tweeted, “Which books do you brag about reading?” I retweeted with a comment, “Every time I read a book I brag about it.” / I’m not a voracious reader. I can’t believe I just wrote that. I hate the term “voracious reader.” As cliché as it is, that’s how every writer describes herself, except me. […]

“I’M 51 AND I’VE NEVER LOOKED BETTER” (IN GLAMOUR)

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Every time I see my mom, she tells me, “Dye your hair. You look like an aging hippie.” / I’m 51, and while I fear I’m aging out of a lot of things—the ability to run miles and miles without getting injured, for one—I’m not aging out of looks. There’s a photograph of the writer Susan Sontag taken […]