If You Give a Mom a Bowl of Oatmeal: An All-Too-True Parody (in Next Tribe)

We all know the children’s book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” Here, Andrea Askowitz recasts a harried woman in the lead–someone you’ll surely recognize.

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I’m heading out for a dermatology appointment, but first I’ll put my breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, because my wife gets pissed when the oatmeal hardens on the bowl. Shoot, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. I’ll just unload it really quick. Now I have to go to the bathroom, but there’s no toilet paper. I’ll just run to the laundry room and get a new roll.

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